May 10, 2004

TODAY'S TUNE
(On/Off)

"Little Lies"

From the Inside Out...
Subtle Addictions

Yes You Can!...
Learn More about Mortgages

Far Horizons...
Cultural Zulu 'Imizi'

Links That Shine...
Acts of Kindness.org

Fascinating Facts...
Even before Hallmark

Laughing It Off...
Truisms

Untangling the Web...
What a Site!
&
Computer Ease

Look at That!...
Burning Calories

Our Latest Discovery...
"I Make Love with Life"

Joyful Lifestyles...
The 90/10 Secret

BE the World
You Want to See!

Any time we feel twinges of resentment because we are too often asked to volunteer, it's time to remind ourselves that we CAN choose to change our behavior and say: "NO" ... a word that will do wonders for our self-esteem.

~ Chelle ~

From the Inside Out
SUBTLE ADDICTIONS

Many people are aware of the fact that addictions are used to avoid pain, and most of us are aware of the common addictions: food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, TV, spending, work, sex, rage and so on.

Most people, however, are not aware of the more subtle addictions, the addictions that are often so covert and pervasive that they are as invisible to us as the air we breathe. Yet these addictions may be impacting us negatively as much as the more overt addictions.

Take Sam, for example. Sam is the kind of person who ends up doing everything, both at home and at work. Sam works much harder in his retail business than either of his two partners, and often feels overwhelmed by the amount of work he has to do. On weekends, he ends up doing a lot of work around the house, even though he has two strong teenagers who could be helping out. Even when others offer to help, Sam turns them down. Sam is devoted to being a "nice guy" and caretaking others — doing for others what they need to be doing for themselves. On a deeper level, he is always trying to control how others' perceive him.

He wants them to see him as a caring person and often feels victimized when others do not give him the approval he seeks. Then, when others react to his attempts to control how they feel about him with irritation or withdrawal, Sam is angry that they are not approving of him.

When he is really upset, he will become sullen. He will often obsessively ruminate about how unjust his wife is or his partners are. If his wife wants to explore their problems, Sam goes into defending, explaining and resisting, stating that she is just trying to control him. When nothing else works, Sam will withdraw.

There are many addictions going on here. The more overt ones are work and anger. Sam is also addicted to approval, to controlling how others see him through caretaking, to being a victim and blaming others for his misery, to obsessive thinking (ruminating), to defending, explaining, resisting, and withdrawing. All of these addictions serve the same purpose as the more overt addictions. They are all attempts to have control over getting love/approval and avoiding pain.

You might want to honestly look inside and see what some of your covert addictions are. Are you addicted to blaming others for your unhappy feelings? Do you use anger or tears to attempt to make others responsible for you? Are you addicted to illness as a way to avoid personal responsibility for yourself?

Do you constantly give yourself up in an attempt to control how others feel about you? Are you more focused on trying to control others feelings about you than you are in taking loving care of yourself? How much of your thinking time is spent in daydreaming about what you want to say to others or how you wish life was instead of actually taking loving action for yourself?

Do you get obsessive in your thinking about what you will say or do in a particular situation? How often do you explain and defend yourself rather than open to learning? How often do you get angry or withdraw to avoid dealing with yourself? How much time do you spend analyzing and figuring out yourself and others as a way to have control?

Any behavior other than taking loving, responsible care of yourself and being open to learning with yourself and others is addictive. All addictive behaviors are attempts to control rather than learn. Our intent to control or to learn actually governs all our behavior, and is the basis of Inner Bonding.

~ By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.,
Author/co-author of several best-selling books, including:
Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?
Inner Bonding : Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child
Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by My Kids?
Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love & Wholeness Through Your Inner Child
Do I Have To Give Up ME to be Loved by GOD?

Visit Dr. Paul's website at www.InnerBonding.com

Yes You Can!
LEARN MORE ABOUT MORTGAGES

Following are five important questions to ask lenders regarding a mortgage loan:

1. Does my loan have a prepayment penalty clause?
This is a biggie that applies to every borrower. Some might be puzzled as to why I included it, since there is a statement about prepayment penalty on the Truth in Lending (TIL) form. Unfortunately, the way the statement is worded is so ambiguous and its placement on the form so distracting that untold numbers of borrowers sign their TIL without ever realizing that they are subject to a penalty. All you must remember is that if the TIL says that you "may have to pay a penalty," it means you will have to pay a penalty.

2. What are total lender fees?
In addition to points, which are an upfront charge expressed as a percent of the loan, lenders also charge a variety of fees that are expressed in dollars—they do not change with the size of the loan. These fees are not disclosed on the TIL. They are shown on the Good Faith Estimate (GFE), which is a separate disclosure document administered by the Department of Housing and Urban Development. However, the GFE intermixes lender fees with third-party charges, provides no total and does not commit the lender, since the numbers are "estimates."

When you "lock" the price of the loan, the lender is committed to the rate and points but not to fees. That paves the way for larceny at the closing table. The Federal Reserve could easily prevent this by requiring that all locks apply to the annual percentage rate, which is calculated from the rate and all lender fees. But it doesn't, so borrowers must fend for themselves.

Say to the lender, "please specify, in writing, the total dollar fees I will pay at closing, and sign it." You don't care about the individual fees, only the total matters. Many lenders already do this without being asked, and they all would if shoppers demanded it.

3. What is the margin?
This applies to adjustable-rate mortgages (ARMs) only. The margin on an ARM is the lender's markup—the amount the lender adds to the interest rate index on a rate adjustment date to obtain the new interest rate. It can be 1.5 percent; it can also be 6.5 percent.

Lenders always quote the initial rate on an ARM, but they seldom quote the margin and it is not a required disclosure. On an increasing number of ARMs, the initial rate holds only for 1-3 months. (This includes all flexible payment or option ARMs and all home equity lines). On these loans, the borrower knows the interest rate for the first few months, but often doesn't know the lender's markup over the remaining 29-plus years. Ask the lender to write down the margin on your ARM.

4. Is this a simple interest loan?
On simple interest loans, interest accrues daily instead of monthly, imposing a stiff penalty on borrowers who pay past the due date. Most of the borrowers who write me about their problems with simple interest loans never knew they had one until the problems emerged. TIL does not require lenders to disclose it.

It is a good idea to ask, but you aren't going to know for sure unless you read the note before signing it at closing, and you may not know even then. I have seen cases where borrowers were switched to simple interest when the servicing of their loan was sold. The new servicer switched all loans where the note did not prohibit it. This is another reason why borrowers should be able to fire their servicing agent.

5. What is your subordination policy?
Very few borrowers who take out a second mortgage are aware that the second mortgage lender can prevent them from refinancing their first mortgage. When the existing first mortgage is repaid, the existing second mortgage automatically becomes the first mortgage—unless the second mortgage lender is willing to subordinate his claim to that of the lender providing the new mortgage into which the borrower is refinancing.

Policies of second mortgage lenders regarding subordination vary all over the lot, from a small fee and no conditions to absolute prohibition. Borrowers taking a second mortgage should get the lender's subordination policy, in writing, before they close the loan.

~Inman Real Estate Industry News

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South Africa's "KwaZulu-Natal" or Zulu Kingdom is an interaction of natural wonders, ultra-modern facilities, fascinating cultural imprints and reminders of a dynamic history in the most breathtakingly beautiful and varied setting imaginable. Countless species of animals, birds, plants and butterflies thrive in complex ecosystems and biospheres woven into the subtropical bush. Cultural Zulu villages were always circular and built on sloping ground. The main hut of the headman stood at the highest point, with those of his wives hierarchically positioned at both sides. An inner circle housed the wealth of the village — the kraal that kept the cattle and grain. It was a revered area where the spirits of the ancestors were thought to linger. Availability of land for traditional imizi homestead structures has become increasingly scarce. Bricks of mortar have replaced the uhlongwa grass-thatched beehive huts which require much maintenance. There are, however, a number of fine examples of these villages that have been established as living museums.
*Visit New GLOBAL TRAVEL Archives Below*

Fascinating Facts
EVEN BEFORE HALLMARK

What's the history of Mothers' Day? CHECK ANSWERE HERE: ^

Laughing It Off
TRUISMS

1.) A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

2.) How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

3.) Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

4.) Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

5.) Scratch a dog or rub a cat and you'll find a permanent job.

6.) There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. ... It could be a RIGHT number.

7.) Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.

8.) The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

9.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

10.) If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

11.) There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

12.) People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

13.) You should not confuse your career with your life.

14.) No matter what happens ... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

14.) When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.

16.) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

17.) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

18.) Never lick a steak knife.

19.) Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

20.) Your REAL friends still love you anyway.

~Contributed by Bob in St. Cloud, Florida
* Enter below for Our New HUMOR Archives*
..............

Untangling the Web

WHAT A SITE!

"Terra Server"
Look at satellite and aerial photos of your house or
neighborhood online. TerraServer contains high resolution USGS aerial imagery and USGS topographic maps. You can locate imagery by clicking on their map, entering a city or town name in the "Search TerraServer" form, or entering a United States street address.
http://TerraServer.microsoft.com

COMPUTER-EASE

In Windows XP, have files display as a list, not icons...
Step 1: Change the view of a displayed folder - With a folder open (either from My Computer or Windows Explorer), click View on the file bar. Click the desired view: Thumbnails, Tiles, Icon, List, Details. The folder being displayed will have the new view. Step 2: Apply the view to all folders - With a folder open (either from My Computer or Windows Explorer), click Tools on the file bar. Click Folder Options in the drop-down box. The Folder Options control window will be displayed Click the View tab. Click the "Apply to all folders" button in the Folder Views section of the View tab. A confirm box will be displayed to change the view of all folders to be like the folder you have displayed Click Yes. Click OK at the bottom of the View tab to close the Folder Options control window. (Contributed by Jane at The-Cats-Meow.com)

Photo: Reuters

The "Trim Trolley" allows a shopper to select...
different levels of resistance, making it harder to push, to help shoppers burn calories while trawling the aisles. It has a pulse monitor, timer, and computer for working out its speed and how many calories the shopper has used up. A prototype of the trolley, made by German form Wanzl, went on display at a branch of Tesco, the country's biggest supermarket chain, in London. ~Reuters

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