August 18, 2003

From the Inside Out
WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE PUSHES YOUR BUTTONS

Nothing is more aggravating in relationships than having your buttons pushed by the one you love. It seems ironic that the one you love could make you so insane. But once the honeymoon period cools and real life sets in, we all take our partners off the pedestal and begin to notice their less than finer points. People often ask me how to fix common relationship problems such as this. Sometimes the best thing to do is just let the dark parts come up so you can shine a light on them. As Mary Sarton once said, "No partner in a love relationship should feel that he has to give up an essential part of himself to make it viable." True love is a state of freedom and authenticity. It is not our place to try to fix, change or make somebody else okay in life.

Not a Bad Thing: Your partner probably brings up some of the unresolved issues and forces you to revisit and reflect on that within you that needs some attention and healing. Relationships often bring all our "issues" up. Bringing these things to light is not necessarily a "bad thing."

Lessons To Learn: The people who show up in our lives all have a lesson to bring us or learn with us. When relationships are difficult is often because they are highlighting a hidden part of the self that we have disowned or weren't even aware of. Intimate relationships beg us to explore our shadow selves. These shadows are not the "boogie man/woman;" they are signs that within lives unknown aspects of self. In many cases, these parts would never be discovered, were it not for the partner who pushes your buttons! The gift is a chance to look more deeply into ourselves… and an opportunity to love ourselves even more by loving "the other."

Even difficult relationships are sacred: If someone shows up in your life to share love, you have been given the great gift of a partner to help you navigate the sometimes smooth, and sometimes choppy, ocean of Relationships. This person can be a romantic partner, a friend, a co-worker, or a family member. If a relationship or interaction is stimulating or triggering negative emotions or fears, note how this person makes you angry, what it is about them makes your blood boil; get in touch with how it is you may feel unloved or upset around them. Then consider they are reflecting something to you that comes from within you. It is one of the hardest lessons for us to learn in life because we always want to point a finger at the other person.

The Responsibilities of Loving: In these relationships, you may feel that you want to flee… but you cannot flee from yourself. You will only recreate the same pattern elsewhere. When you learn to pay attention to the darker side of relationships and not be fearful simply because it is dark, you will learn which relationships are truly good for you and which you must leave behind. And you will be able to learn which partnerships are ultimately healing and which add injury and insult. This is a process that requires you to take a lot of personal responsibility - to detect and admit your own imbalances and to take on the work of healing them, and by observing and making a decision to alter co-dependent and unhealthy behaviors.

Steering the Relationship: Love, by its very nature, brings with it a subtle yet sweeping transformative power that brings us closer to our own greatness. But each partner in a love relationship - as well as friends and family members - must get there of their own accord, with love as the gentle impetus, not as the sledge hammer that enforces change. You can't fix your partner, although you can begin to alter your own understanding, behavior and consciousness in the relationship. You can begin to steer the relationship toward a more conscious exploration of the shadowy sides of loving and being intimate with another.

Know When it's Over: Some people come to us to teach us and then they move on. Some come to learn with us but fail to take away from the relationship the lessons that will empower them to grow. It is important to assess the signs of a partner who has no intention to evolve. The proof here is in the pudding: they simply never make any effort to change and you end up doing all emotional work in the relationship. You will naturally want to do all you can to help this person along, but there will come a time of reckoning, of absolute truth telling, when you must assess if a relationship has run its course. And it is always wise to clarify the differences between getting your buttons pushed as a natural process of relating and being in a relationship that is filled with a lot of upset and aggravation.

Final Word: Talk to your loved one and see if she/he is willing to discuss the situation and find out her/his point of view as well: Is she/he feeling her buttons pushed by you? Telling the truth, and opening the door to her telling the truth, is the first step to liberate you and your loved one from a negative pattern you may be stuck in. See if you can open the dialog for some conscious and loving exploration. It's always a more pleasant experience if you and your partner can deal with things in a conscious, loving way. Good luck!

~ Copyright © 2003 Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway. All rights reserved.
Rev. Brockway is an author, teacher, clergy person, and
creator of the email course: "Create Your Romantic Resumé"
which is available at Self-Healing Expressions.com

Yes You Can!
HAVE FEWER WRINKLES

The most important advice is to use sunscreen — every day. A number of studies have shown that perhaps 80% of what makes a person's face look older is related to sun exposure. If you begin using sunscreen when you are young, then you may look younger for a much longer time. An SPF of 15 or better is recommended, one that blocks both UVA and UVB rays.

As the ozone layer becomes increasingly depleted, the use of sunscreen becomes even more important. Also, the incidence of melanoma, a potentially fatal skin cancer, is directly linked to sun exposure, so the regular use of sunscreen may help you live longer as well as look younger.

Nicotine in cigarettes not only causes your heart arteries to constrict, thereby increasing the risk of a heart attack, but also causes the small arterioles and capillaries in your face to constrict. This leads to wrinkling and premature aging. The next time you are at a party, take a look at the people who are smoking. They often look much older than their age.

Chronic emotional stress also causes the same constriction of your blood vessels as nicotine, so practicing stress management techniques on a regular basis may help you look younger as well as feel better.

Diet also affects wrinkles. Earlier this year, researchers led by Dr. Mark L. Wahlqvist of Monash University in Melbourne, Australia, studied the current diets of more than 400 adults aged 70 and older living in Australia, Greece, or Sweden. The researchers found that even when they factored in age and smoking, diet still played a role in wrinkling of sun-exposed skin.

Whether they were dark skinned or fair skinned, whether they lived in sun-drenched Australia or sun-deprived Sweden, people who ate plenty of wholesome foods such as green leafy vegetables, beans, olive oil, nuts, and multigrain breads were less prone to wrinkling that those who consumed a lot of butter, red meat, and sugary confections. Their research was published in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition [2001; 20:71-80].

It is thought that antioxidant vitamins such as vitamins A, C, and E may help protect against wrinkling. Because the skin is a major target for oxidative stresses such as sunlight, a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, grains, and beans — all rich sources of antioxidants — may help keep wrinkles to a minimum.

Although living longer and preventing heart disease are by themselves excellent reasons to make healthy diet and lifestyle changes, the possibility of having fewer wrinkles and feeling better should provide extra incentive to maintain those changes.

~ WebM.D Health.MSN.com
~Contributed by Gabrielle, Wholistic Esthetician
living in Santa Fe, New Mexico

"LISTEN TO THE MUSIC!"
We've had so many requests from subscribers
who want to play or download our weekly
Inspiration Line tunes, that we've added...

Photo: VirtualTourist.com

A visit to the historic center of Colonia del Sacramento, Uruguay, is like a walk back in time. Founded in 1680 by the Portuguese, this old colonial town is renowned for its colorful houses reminiscent of old Lisbon. Colonia is a small town on the eastern side of Rio de la Plata, across from Buenos Aires, Argentina. Its cobbled streets and houses alternate with small bars, excellent restaurants, art and craft shops, museums and a large yacht harbor. After exploring the opulent lifestyle of colonial leaders, visit the UNESCO-Colonia headquarters, where exhibits on the city's newly acquired Historic Heritage of Humanity status will place you in the larger context of South American history.

LINKS
THAT SHINE

"Agree to Be Happy"

This web site is a simple summary of a book that reveals the source of self -limiting beliefs that create needless suffering. The book is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It provides a powerful code of conduct (four simple rules) that transforms life into a new experience of freedom, love and true happiness.
(Contributed by Sherry in Miami, Florida)
www.AgreeToBeHappy.com


CLICK FOR MORE LINKS

Fascinating Facts
COOL YOUR WHEELS

On a 95-degree (Fahrenheit) day, the air inside a parked vehicle can reach 145 degrees; the steering wheel can be 159 degrees; the car seat can reach 162 degrees; and the dashboard can be 181 degrees to the touch, according to research conducted for auto sunshade company Axius, a division of the Pennzoil-Quaker State Co. There's no reason to just sit around and stew about it, though; you can do things to relieve the heat buildup in your vehicle and reduce fading and wear on your vehicle interior.

Focus on the Glass: "Some of that glass [on a vehicle] can act as a magnifier," said Kevin Wood, an officer in the Arizona Public Department of Safety. That's why window tinting has become increasingly popular. Depending on the type of tint used, nearly all of the ultraviolet rays coming through a car window and up to 65 percent of solar energy or heat can be eliminated. Typically, the darker the windows, the more heat and light are reduced. But remember to check with law enforcement in your area. Some states restrict how dark a car's window film can be, and which car windows it can be placed on. Typically, police officers want to be able to see into a vehicle through the driver and front-passenger windows. Some motorcyclists also strive to make eye contact with drivers to confirm they and their bikes are in sight and being monitored by the driver, which is another reason to keep those front-door windows clear of dark tints.

Other Options: A less-expensive option for reducing heat and sunlight inside vehicles is manual sunshades. "Use of a vehicle sunshade can prevent heat buildup in a parked car by more than 48 degrees Fahrenheit," said Deirdre Watt, senior vice president of Axius, which sells both window tinting and sunshades. "There's a noticeable difference in terms of comfort, which makes the 30-second effort it takes to put up a sunshade worthwhile." Yet, an Axius phone survey of more than 800 vehicle owners in April 2000 showed that while 71% knew about auto sunshades, just 22% used them regularly. And 77% of sunshade users said they only install a sunshade if they plan to be away from their vehicles for more than 30 minutes. Sunshades for side and rear windows are typically circles with somewhat sheer material that still allows some view outside.

Handling the Heat:
Of course, try to find a shady spot to park the car. The temperature differential in the shade can be well worth a few extra steps in the parking lot. But keep in mind a parking spot that's shaded by trees can put abrasive tree sap and bird droppings onto your car's paint. A better shady spot, then, would be one where a building or carport provides the shade.
Tossing a towel over the steering wheel of a parked car on a hot summer day can buffer the wheel and keep a bit of heat from being absorbed. A driver should never try to drive a vehicle with a steering wheel that's too hot to handle.
Don't try to drive off if you're sitting uncomfortably on a hot car seat, instead, get the car's interior cooled down first. Remote car starters sold by aftermarket firms can do this by starting your vehicle and running the air conditioner before you even get to your vehicle. Even if you manually start your car, be smart about dissipating that built-up heat quickly. Open the windows and sunroof to let the hot, trapped air escape. Once you are inside a hot vehicle, turn on the air conditioning to get air circulating and, if necessary, direct the vents toward the steering wheel to cool it down.
Extra Attention to Kids, Pets... It always bears repeating that the temperature extremes inside parked vehicles during summer make cars and trucks dangerous places for youngsters and pets. The National Safe Kids Campaign based in Washington, D.C., advises that you never, ever leave a child in your vehicle, even with the windows down. When the outside temperature is 83 degrees Fahrenheit, and your window is down 2 inches, the temperature inside your car can reach 109 degrees Fahrenheit in just 15 minutes. Obviously, the same extreme temperature conditions inside vehicles can injure and kill animals. The Humane Society of the United States urges you to never leave your pet unattended inside a vehicle. And whenever you travel with your pet, have drinking water and, preferably, ice cubes with you so your dog or cat does not get dehydrated. The society says ice cubes are "easier on your pet than large amounts of water." And never have your dog ride in the back of a pickup truck.

~Ann Job, Autos.MSN.com

Who invented the zipper?

Click for Answer

Laughing It Off
A SPEAKING QUIZ

Let's get those brain cells multiplying with the following challenge. Say the following phrases fast. Solve the puzzles by saying them out loud, over and over, faster and faster, repeating the phrase, until you "hear" the answer. Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles. (Oh, and don't be scrolling down to the answers till you're finished with the quiz.)

1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)

2. SAND TACK LAWS (fictional character)

3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)

4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)

5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)

6. CHICK HE TUB BAN AN US (product)

7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)

8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)

9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)

10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)

11. DOCKED HEARSE WHOSE (person)

12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)

13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (fictional character)

14. THESE HOUND DOVE MOO SICK (movie)

15. BUCK SPUN HE (fictional character)

The answers are below. Don't look until you've completed the quiz!

ANSWERS:

1. Jacques Cousteau
2. Santa Claus
3. Michael Jordan
4. Moby Dick
5. Thomas Jefferson
6. Chiquita Banana
7. The Titanic
8. I love you
9. The Brady Bunch
10. Christopher Columbus
11. Doctor Seuss
12. The Milky Way Galaxy
13. Agent 007
14. The Sound of Music
15. Bugs Bunny

~Fun Forwards.com

Untangling the Web

WHAT A SITE!

Gaiam Natural Healing & Wellness...
was created with the vision that, given a choice, people would choose a lifestyle that is healthy and life enhancing, for themselves, their families and the Earth. Gaiam provides alternatives to traditional products by offering natural, eco-friendly versions that compare with the style, quality and price of conventional products.
www.Gaiam.com

COMPUTER-EASE

The Windows Logo key ...
between your Ctrl and Alt keys, activates the Start menu:
1. Press the Windows key. The Start menu appears. 2. Use your arrow keys to move up and down the menu until you've highlighted what you want and then press Enter. If you have this key, you can get to ANY program or recently saved document, without moving your hands from the keyboard.

Photo: Christian Charisius /REUTERS

A 3-month old polar bear...
is accompanied by her mother 'Funny', during
her first time outside at the Hagenbeck Zoo in Hamburg, Germany. 'Victoria' was born at the private Zoo built by Carl Hagenbeck. In 1902, Hagenbeck revolutionized zoo exhibitry by creating “Tierpark” with barless, moated exhibits. His innovative style also displayed animals in naturally occurring social groups rather than more typical collections of one or two animals. ~REUTERS