When
I am an old man
...
I'll wear mixed plaids.
...
I'll put my teeth in only when I need them.
...
I'll proudly and loudly produce massive amounts of phlegm
at will.
...
I'll drive as slow as I want ... I was here first, wasn't
I?
...
I'll buy my grandchildren gifts my kids don't want them
to have.
...
I'll let waiters and waitresses really know how "everything"
is tonight.
...
I'll wear Vicks Vap-o-Rub, BenGay, and that Icy Blue stuff
instead of cologne.
...
I'll let my gut stick out. Way, way out ... who gives
a rip anymore?
...
I'll darn sure let people know what I think about
"the trash they're showing on the TV these days."
...
I'll let my grandchildren get away with things I used
to punish my children for doing.
...
I'll blow my nose as hard and as loud as I want!
...
I'll make darn sure I get my "Senior"
discount!
...
I'll refuse to stand in long grocery store lines to pay
for a
quart of milk and a box of bran. If they catch me, I'll
just act senile.
...
I'll keep my turn signal on as long as I want, dab-nabit!
...
I'll pass gas whenever and wherever I dang well please.
...
I'll darn sure let people know what I think about
"the garbage the government makes us go through just
to get what we have coming to us."
...
I'll develop an addiction to Milk of Magnesia.
...
I'll write long letters to the editor about whatever I
don't like.
...
I'll chug Metamucil like I used to chug beer.
...
I'll obsessively make elaborate contraptions
to keep the dang squirrels off my bird feeders.
...
I'll have more hair growing out of my nose and ears than
on the top of my skull.
...
I'll flirt with women who wouldn't have gone out with
me even when I was their age.
...
I'll brush my eyebrow hair up over my bald spot.
...
I'll go to them all-you-can-eat buffet lunch places and
bring a doggy bag with me.
...
I'll wear my pants hiked up around my armpits
or I'll let them ride comfortably down under my belly.
...
I'll blow my social security money by buyin' junk from
the back of books.
~By
Tim Nyberg
(Suggested by Margaret who lives in San Francisco, California)
|
|
WHEN
I AM AN OLD MAN,
I'll Wear Mixed Plaids
This book has fun with aging without making
fun of the aged. Growing old isn't just about subscribing
to the large print edition of Reader's Digest. It's
driving your car as slow as you want to, wearing your
teeth only when you need them, and having a legitimate
license to begin sentences with, Back in my day...
This parody of When I'm an Old Woman, I Shall Wear
Purple shares the griping cynicism, and complete
disregard for societal advancements embodied by men
who feel they've lived long enough to earn not only
their AARP discount, but also the right to do anything
any way they darn well please. This collection of
hilarious reflections on aging is the perfect gift
for all the old men in your life — whether they
are on Willard Scott's birthday list or are just turning
40!!
By
Tony Dierckins (Author), Tim Nyberg (Author)
|
ENTER
HERE FOR LAST WEEK'S
ISSUE OF INSPIRATION LINE
CLICK
HERE for OUR FREE LANGUAGE TRANSLATOR or TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS & FAMILY
Inspiration Line Around the World — Click HERE to Put Yourself
on the Map
GET
OUR
