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"Little progress can be made by merely attempting
to repress what is evil; our great hope lies
in developing what is good."

~ Calvin Coolidge, 30th President of the United States (1923-1929).

April 26, 2004


TODAY'S TUNE
(On/Off)


"I Want It That Way!"


THIS WEEK'S ISSUE

From the Inside Out...
Attention-Seeking
Behaviour in Bullies

Yes You Can!...
Enjoy Housework-outs
& Stretches

Far Horizons...
San Miniato al Monte

Links That Shine...
Alternative Cancer
Treatments Comparison

Fascinating Facts...
Boomerangs
on the Barbie?

Laughing It Off...
A Cat's Guide
to Humans

Untangling the Web...
What a Site!
&
Computer Ease

Look at That!...
Blue-Coated Lambs

Our Latest Discovery...
Abercrombie Music

Joyful Lifestyles...
Creating a New Future (2)

Web-Wise Update...
Monthly Facts & Fiction


Inspiration

BE the World
You Want to See!

Insight is a great vehicle for understanding why people
behave the way they do.
More important, it creates
the clarity we all need to
take appropriate action
and to recognize that,
in most cases,
WE ARE NOT THE CAUSE
of their behavior.

~ Chelle ~

Archives Here

 

From the Inside OutBullies
ATTENTION-SEEKING BEHAVIOUR IN BULLIES

Insecure and emotionally immature people often exhibit bullying behaviours, especially manipulation and deception. These are necessary in order to obtain attention which would not otherwise be forthcoming. Bullies and harassers have the emotional age of a young child and will exhibit temper tantrums, deceit, lying and manipulation to avoid exposure of their true nature and to evade accountability and sanction. Being the centre of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self love. Attention-seeking is particularly noticeable with females, so I've used the pronoun "she." Males, of course, also exhibit this form of personality disorder.

The Sufferer: This might include feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury, or perhaps causing or inviting injury. The illness or injury becomes a vehicle for gaining sympathy and thus attention. The attention-seeker excels in manipulating people through their emotions, especially that of guilt. It's very difficult not to feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of suffering in a sob story or "poor me" drama.

The Rescuer: Particularly common in family situations, she's the one who will dash in and "rescue" people whenever the moment is opportune to herself, that is. She then gains gratification from basking in the glory of her humanitarian actions. The act of rescue and thus the opportunities for gaining attention can be enhanced if others are excluded from the act of rescue; this helps create a dependency relationship between the rescuer and rescued which can be exploited for further acts of rescue (and attention) later. When not in rescue mode, the rescuer may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person she is rescuing.

The Organizer: She may present herself as the one in charge, the one organizing everything, the one who is reliable and dependable, the one people can always turn to. However, the objective is not to help people (this is only a means to an end) but to always be the centre of attention.

The Manipulator: She may exploit family relationships, manipulating others with guilt and distorting perceptions; although she may not harm people physically, she causes everyone to suffer emotional injury. Vulnerable family members are favourite targets. A common attention-seeking ploy is to claim she is being persecuted, victimized, excluded, isolated or ignored by another family member or group, perhaps insisting she is the target of a campaign of exclusion or harassment.

The Drama Queen: Every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if necessary distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis proportions. Histrionics may be present where the person feels she is not the centre of attention but should be. Inappropriate flirtatious behaviour may also be present.

The Busy Bee: This individual is the busiest person in the world if her constant retelling of her life is to be believed. Everyday events which are regarded as normal by normal people take on epic proportions as everyone is invited to simultaneously admire and commiserate with this oh-so-busy person who never has a moment to herself, never has time to sit down, etc. She's never too busy, though, to tell you how busy she is.

The Feigner: When called to account and outwitted, the person instinctively uses the denial counterattack feigning victimhood strategy to manipulate everyone present, especially bystanders and those in authority. The most effective method of feigning victimhood is to burst into tears, for most people's instinct is to feel sorry for them, to put their arm round them or offer them a tissue. Feigning victimhood is a favourite tactic of bullies and harassers to evade accountability and sanction. When accused of bullying and harassment, the person immediately turns on the water works and claims they are the one being bullied or harassed even though there's been no prior mention of being bullied or harassed. It's the fact that this claim appears only after and in response to having been called to account that is revealing. Mature adults do not burst into tears when held accountable for their actions.

The False Confessor: This person confesses to crimes they haven't committed in order to gain attention from the police and the media. In some cases people have confessed to being serial killers, even though they cannot provide any substantive evidence of their crimes. Often they will confess to crimes which have just been reported in the media.

The Online Victim: This person uses Internet chat rooms and forums to allege that they've been the victim of rape, violence, harassment, abuse etc. The alleged crime is never reported to the authorities, for obvious reasons. The facelessness and anonymity of the Internet suits this type of attention seeker. [More]

The Victim: She may intentionally create acts of harassment against herself, e.g. send herself hate mail or damage her own possessions in an attempt to incriminate a fellow employee, a family member, neighbor, etc. Scheming, cunning, devious, deceptive and manipulative, she will identify her "harasser" and produce circumstantial evidence in support of her claim. She will revel in the attention she gains and use her glib charm to plausibly dismiss any suggestion that she herself may be responsible. However, a background check may reveal that this is not the first time she has had this happen to her.

The Serial Bully: In many cases the attention-seeker is a serial bully as explained in Bullying in the Family.


~ Excerpted from Attention Seeking Personality Disorders
By Tim Field at www.BullyOnline.org Oxfordshire, England

Visit This Website Also: www.NoBullyForMe.org or www.NobBullyForMe.ca

 

Inspiration
Ye
s You Can!

ENJOY HOUSEWORK-OUTS & STRETCHES

A "HOUSEWORK-OUT" can clean up your act in more ways than one. With a little advance planning, household tasks provide a surprisingly effective aerobic workout. Tackle that closet you've been meaning to clean out, or take the offensive against a scummy sink. Vacuuming, scrubbing and picking up items off the floor all can be healthful exercise, as long as you keep consistently on the move.

Doing housework does not have to be a boring task that you perform only because you want a clean home. Housework can be fun and healthy! Instead of thinking of cleaning as a chore, think of it as a form of exercise. Your body moves quite a bit while cleaning, so it really is exercise! Make it fun by playing some of your favorite music and dancing around while cleaning.

Remember too, that a 10-minute walk in Nature can give you as much energy as a cup of coffee. Of course you want to see results, and you want to see them fast, but the key to making your leisurely stroll really work for you is to build up slowly. Start by doing two brisk ten-minute walks, five days a week. After a couple of weeks, increase it to two fifteen-minute walks, five days a week. Gradually extend the length of your walks until you can comfortably do two thirty to forty minute walks, five days per week. For optimum fat-burning effect, aim to walk briskly enough to feel as if you're making a real effort, but slow enough so that you're not gasping too much to hold a conversation!

For an all-important Stress-Buster, give yourself some quiet time. Schedule inviolate periods of time into your workday for tasks that are pleasurable, even if not terribly productive. Try to do this even when you feel rushed. Take advantage of breaks and lunches to do things that will reverse the stress response. For example, go to a quiet place and do a relaxation exercise.

A simple morning stretch routine can actually make your skin more radiant. It also has added benefits for anyone whose joints and muscles tend to be at their stiffest first thing in the morning. Follow these six easy steps to a glowing skin and to help loosen up aching joints and promote mobility:

1. Roll up a small towel. Grasp an end in each hand. Stretch your arms out in front of you.
2. Breathe in as you raise the towel above your head. Keep your arms straight and the towel stretched.
3. Breathe out as you lower the towel over the back of your head to shoulder level.
4. Breathe in again as you bring the towel back up above your head.
5. Breathe out as you return the towel to the starting position at the front of your body.
6. Repeat the action up to five times.

Here are a few stretches you can try anytime of day whenever you need a quick dose of re-energizing. They are adapted from yoga expert and relaxation consultant Darrin Zeer's Office Yoga: Simple Stretches for Busy People and Office Spa: Stress Relief for the Working Week. Most of these can be done while you're working — when you restart your computer after it freezes, in between phone calls, or while you're waiting for a fax to go through — so it doesn't mean squeezing another "to do" into your already-hectic schedule:

1. Kick-back Log-on Pose: While sitting at your desk, interlace your fingers behind your head. Relax your elbows and shoulders. Breathe and stretch your elbows back.
2. Keyboard Calisthenics: Place hands in prayer position, move fingers in all directions and stretch. Squeeze fists tight. Then, stretch your fingers wide. Interlace your fingers and rotate hands.
3. Neck Rolls: Drop your head to one side. Roll it around in a wide circle, and then switch directions.
4. Chair Stretches: While sitting, interlace your fingers below your knee. Bend your leg up, and then stretch your forehead to your knee. Switch legs. Another stretch for your chair: Cross your left leg over your right. Place your right hand or elbow on the crossed knee. Gently turn your body to the left and look behind you. Switch legs, and twist the other way.
5. Lower Back Bend: Grab the edge of your desk or counter, and step back a couple of feet. Spread your feet shoulder-width apart. Let your upper body stretch down, relaxing your head and neck.

Breathing throughout the workday is also something that Zeer finds important. "With all of the stress, we are literally holding our breath all day," he explains. "By taking a long, deep breath, you'll instantly relax your body and de-stress your mind. You can't beat that."

~Fitness & Recreation MSN.com

 

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Far Horizons

SAN MINIATO AL MONTE

Italy
Check Here

High atop a hill, its gleaming white-and-green facade visible from the valley below, San Miniato is one of the few ancient churches of Florence, Italy, to survive the centuries virtually intact and the most famous zodiac church in Europe. It was constructed sometime after the year 1000 on top of a pre-existent Oratory that had been built by St. Miniato. A victim of the persecutions of the Emperor Decius (249-251 A.D.), Miniato is thought to have been an Armenian prince. The brilliant play of light that is created when the sun shines on the exterior of the monument, as well as that to be found in the interior of the apse, are alone enough to make it well worth while making this short trip from Florence. The interior (where additions were carried out up until Baroque times) is divided into three naves, with a beautiful 11th century inlaid marble floor decorated with the Symbols of the Zodiac in the center. The Monumental Cemetery of the Holy Gates outside the Basilica is also well worth a visit. This cemetery was established in the last century in the conventual area, inside the fortified enclosure created by Michelangelo in 1529. (Photo and Topic from Ted in Manhattan Beach, California)

Travel ArchivesTravel Archives


Links That Shine

Inspiration
"Alternative Cancer
Treatments Comparison"


This web site contains an information-packed table that allows you to compare 12 of the leading alternative cancer treatments side-by-side. Visitors can click on any of 10 aspects of each treatment and see expanded information. There are also the recent (April 2004) results of two independent laboratories tests of Cancell (brand names Cantron and Protocel) that show it to be many times more powerful than the previous best antioxidants and the only antioxidant that is effective against both of the most dangerous and difficult to defeat free radicals.

www.AlternativeCancer.us/Treatments.htm




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Fascinating Facts
BOOMERANGS ON THE BARBIE?


Inspiration
Is Australia an island or a continent
...and what about boomerangs?

Check
Answer Here
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Kitty Lessons
Laughing It Off
A CAT'S GUIDE TO HUMANS

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So, you've decided to get yourself a human being! In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. What's so great about humans, anyway?

Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple: THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.

Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere near as easy to train.

2. How And When to Get Your Human's Attention?
Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as housekeeping, going to their jobs, spending time with their families or even sleeping.

Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do. Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want:

Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children.

Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's golden time is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention. Remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.

3. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?
The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented.

After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend that cold-blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm-blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it.

4. How Long Should You Keep Your Human?
You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far.


Contributed by Phyllis in Santa Fe, New Mexico
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COMPUTER-EASE

Time to clean your mouse?
Gently turn the mouse over, where there is a removable piece that holds the ball and comes off with a little twist. Pull the ball out and remove any dirt, fur, hair, etc. Usually just wiping off the ball with a lint free cloth will do the trick. If it's extra grimy, rinse the ball under running water, making sure it's 110% dry before reassembling. Next, look inside the mouse where the ball was. You'll probably need to take a pair of tweezers and (carefully!) pluck the hair/fur/lint off the rollers (they act like a magnet for this stuff). You might even blow it out with some of that canned air stuff. However, in case you're tempted, it's NOT a good idea to wash it out with water. (Contributed by Jane at TheCatsMeow.com)


Look at THAT!
BLUE-COATED LAMBS

Ireland
Photo: BBC News

An Irish cottage industry making plastic overcoats
for newborn lambs is a surprise hit with British farmers. The smart, blue, plastic jackets are put on lambs just hours after their birth to keep them dry and warm and to confuse predatory foxes. Volunteers in Baltinglass, County Wicklow, sold 25,000 of the jackets in the UK and Ireland during the winter. Sales of the overcoats, designed by a village priest, will fund a school for children with learning difficulties. Local farmer Seamus Leigh uses the new coats to ensure his lambs survive the most vulnerable period of their lives. "The most critical stage in a lamb's life is its first four to five days," he said. "If we get the jackets on them within two hours of them being born then they stand a better chance." Farmers say foxes are bemused by the sight of the bright blue-coated lambs and stay away from them. Customers are now ordering the coats in England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland. Margaret Byrne, a voluntary worker who makes the coats said she was surprised the idea was such a success, "We started off with it being a small adventure and it has since really taken off."
~BBC News World Edition

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Joyful Lifestyles: Weekly InsightsJoy
CREATING A NEW FUTURE (Part 2)

When you aren't being yourself, you get symptoms and problems that seem insurmountable. Even if you have dreams of the future, you can't figure out how to get there from here. Are you confused about what you want and how to get it? Do your emotions sometimes overwhelm you and make you reluctant to act? Suzanne Gold, BA, MA co-author of Being Yourself: 24 Ways to See the Light offers five more ways to spark change in your life:

"6. Don't keep score: Life isn't about winning or losing. The point is to realize your potential. Success and failure can both teach valuable lessons. Even a losing battle can be the exact challenge we need to learn how to get the most out of life. Adversity can develop strength. If a dream sours, let it go without judgment or remorse. Assume it's no longer appropriate, and look for new options. It could turn out to be a stepping stone to a better situation. Life is change. Accepting that brings peace of mind.

"7. No victims, no villains: Relationships are like jigsaw puzzles. All the pieces fit together to create the whole. This means there's no value in blaming anyone, and nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. The events of our lives are custom-made to teach us what we need to learn. Allow things to be as they are. Accept each moment as if you'd chosen it. If someone hurts you, look for the lesson in it. Holding a grudge only perpetuates the distortion and debilitates your own energy. Let it go. Forgiveness doesn't mean changing how you feel about what happened, just releasing its power to upset you. (This goes double for forgiving yourself.)

"8. Meditate and treat yourself well: When life feels like chaos, meditation can cut through the confusion and calm your mind. It's easy to do, and it helps you understand your feelings and tap into your inner wisdom. You are part of the universal creative energy. Spirit underlies everything. You didn't come here to prove your worth or to find a problem and fix it. You came to express your talents and abilities, to realize your dreams. Take time to have fun and enjoy life. Celebrate your successes, big or small. Laugh. Take walks in nature. Spend time alone. Give yourself the opportunity to find inspiration.

"9. Get outside help: It helps to talk about your feelings, no matter how stupid, strange or awful they sound to you. They're messengers, pointing you in the direction of things you need to clean up. Often we get stuck in resisting what we don't want, which drains our energy. An outside perspective can help clear up confusion and free your energy and creativity. Get counseling, either by yourself or with family members. Don't follow advice blindly, but do explore ideas that make sense to you and see what happens. Only you have the responsibility for your own evolution.

"10. Move on: You have no control over what anyone else feels or thinks, so trying to change someone is futile, no matter how much you care about them or how badly you think they need it. When people are too far apart in their perspectives, retreat may be the best response, at least for the moment. It could be as basic as leaving the room briefly, or as extreme as ending the relationship, or even moving away. Your first commitment should be to yourself and to learning as much as possible from what happens to you. Just live your own truth, be honorable, and intend the best outcome for everyone involved. Do what you can when it works for you, but not at your own expense. Respect your own boundaries. Only when you're at peace can you really contribute to others.

"No matter what happens, trust that what you're going through will eventually enlighten you. Change doesn't happen overnight. It comes little by little, more and more, each time you bring awareness to the problem. Don't be discouraged. No one is perfect. The most important thing is a dedication to trying something new and learning from your experience." ~Suzanne Gold


~ Chelle Thompson, Editor ~

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